Yet another upset..

I'm sorry I post good news, then forget to post the bad. Part of me just is in denial while the other part of me is just ashamed. It's been 8 weeks 2 days since I naturally miscarried my second set of twins on 9/12/2011. The extremely hard part for me was that 9/13/2011 was the due date for the original pregnancy and I miscarried the day before that. Talk about a rough week. :'( But.. Now.. I'm back in the same mode as last time. I'm just focusing on getting myself healthy and being ready to find out why I keep miscarrying babies. This last pregnancy, the dr never had any concerns of miscarriage. He was more concerned about going into labor early and my sugar being high then anything. The dreaded "M" word was never spoken. I went to my second ultrasound appointment and found out that Baby B had stopped growing after 7 weeks 2 days, and 2 weeks later found out we lost baby A after 8 weeks 5 days.. :( It's been such a heart breaking experience. There was a lot of friends I was pregnant with and that included my neighbor 2 doors down who was just 3 weeks behind me.. :( We spoke about play dates, and just being so excited for one another! I hit rock bottom with this miscarriage. Mostly because it came totally unexpected. I still have my moments where I cry. It was hard seeing friends I was pregnant with post that they found out what they were having, first time feeling baby move, etc. It's getting a little easier for me now.. But still hurts. Baby showers are really hard. Especially when my 3 year old little sister asks, "Tara, where are your babies?" :'( I just wanted to crawl in a corner and just hide. But.. In time i will be a mommy to some little angel. This child or these children will have so much love it's going to be unbelievable! He/She/They will have so many aunts/uncles/cousins/Grandparents looking forward to their arrival :) It makes me teary eyed just thinking about the love I can't wait to give my child and I know my family and selected family *close friends* can't wait to give them :) Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we go through this process all over again. I need to pray for myself that I can go through this stress free. Having 2 previous major losses, it makes me nervous that there may be a 3rd. I just need to calm myself, and stop worrying about it, but it's very much easier said then done.

Coming March 2012 :)

It has been quite a while since i've updated this blog. We did conceive twins last year in December. However in February (starting on Valentine's day) We lost both of them. :( We were very heartbroken, but realized that everything happens for a reason. Since the miscarriage, we have gone through 2 more fertility treatments, and now I am pregnant with 2 happy healthy little peanuts again :) We are very surprised it's twins again, but aware that it is common with fertility meds. We cannot wait to find out the sexes. We're almost 100% positive that they are fraternal twins, just waiting on the doctors confirmation. Currently I have a large cyst that is taking up a good section of my uterus. Everyone is teasing me in the family saying there is a third baby hiding behind it. LOL 

Here are 2 ultrasound images taken on 8/1/2011. I was 5 weeks 6 days when this ultrasound was done. 

SURPRISE :)

Well.. Last month I ovulated on day 15 as planned and on January 5th, 2011 got the great news that I am PREGNANT :) It's still early. I'm 6 weeks 1 day today. It's hard for me to know this early because I am very impatient and am already wanting to know whether we are going to have a son or a daughter :) I would love to start decorating and preparing for a nursery. There are only several friends and just about all the family knows about it. We're pretty ecstatic! They say it's bad luck to tell before your 2nd trimester, but when you've wanted something for so long (5 years), and it's finally here - wouldn't you want to shout it from the roof tops as well??? I can't wait till 12 weeks so I can tell EVERYONE :)
I am starting to feel a little bit of cramping (no bleeding) but I've been told by the doc it's because of everything going on in my body. No worries. I've also been getting a lot more hungry then usual. In between meals, my stomach starts growling and if I don't eat, I get real hungry, tummy starts growling, and then the heartburn kicks in. So, I have Banana Nut Cheerios and crackers here at work for me to snack on. They kind of get old after a while.
Well that is all for now. I will keep you guys updated throughout this process. Very happy to know that in 8 months and 3 weeks I will be a Mommy to someone :)